


How to Make Boys Next Door out of Assholes

by yumetourou



Category: K-pop, The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Enemies to Lovers, Exes to Lovers, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, bbangkyu, newmoon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-10
Updated: 2019-08-10
Packaged: 2020-08-14 01:10:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20183770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yumetourou/pseuds/yumetourou
Summary: In which Chanhee tries to convince everyone that he’s over Kevin, except himself.But, he really isn’t.





	How to Make Boys Next Door out of Assholes

**Author's Note:**

> this was beta’d by like three people so its out of my hands now.

Chanhee stared blankly at his open textbook, rereading the same page for the 20th time that hour. Something was off. Even when he got in a bad mood, he could still study properly, but today the equations in front of him looked like a foreign language. Maybe he was dehydrated. 

“Changmin!” His voice echoed throughout the empty apartment as he awaited Changmin’s response.  _ Oh, that’s right _ . Changmin had recently moved in with his boyfriend, Younghoon. Chanhee leaned back in his chair, dangerously close to toppling over. The deafening silence seemed to mock him. It was weird living on his own after years of living with Changmin. The floor creaked under his weight like it always did, but it didn’t feel like the same apartment with only one person living here. He downed a glass of water, but it did nothing for his distraction. Changmin had taken all his weird wall art as well, and though it was weird and gave Chanhee a headache if he looked for too long, he preferred it over the bleak white walls he was left with. It was weird to think he used to dream of the day he would live on his own, and now that it had come, the loneliness was crushing.  _ That’s it.  _ He was lonely. He whipped out his phone and sent a quick text to Changmin.

**Chanhee** : hey are u busy right now

**Changmin:** no, why

**Chanhee: ** i’m bored out of my mind

**Chanhee:** come over

**Changmin:** wow i’ve only been gone a week and you already miss me

**Chanhee: ** i do not miss you. i’m just bored. 

**Changmin:** fine then go to a nightclub and find a cute boy to entertain you there

**Chanhee:** i take it back please come over

**Changmin:** be there in ten ;) 

“Changmin, when I asked you to come over I didn’t expect you to bring Younghoon too.” 

“Hey, he practically lived here for like, a year. He has homeowner by proxy rights.” Chanhee sighed and slowly spun the desk chair in a circle. They had migrated to Changmin’s old room, Chanhee was  _ not _ letting Changmin and Younghoon cuddle on his bed. 

“Oh, Chanhee, we were thinking-”

“I’m gonna stop you right there, whatever you’re planning, I don’t want it. You two scare me.” The couple gave each other a mischievous look, which only scared Chanhee more. 

“Well, you heard him Younghoon, he doesn’t want it. What can we do?” Changmin shrugged and turned to Chanhee, a stupid, triumphant grin plastered on his face. “Even if it will solve his problem of being lonely,” Chanhee glared at him, “I mean,  _ bored. _ ” The two looked at him expectantly, and Chanhee wished the floor would swallow him whole. He definitely regretted asking them to come over. 

“Fine, what is it.” The atmosphere in the room immediately changed as Changmin’s excitement bubbled over. 

“So, we met someone the other day-” Younghoon began, before Chanhee interrupted. 

“Great, you two met someone and wanna start a poly relationship. Why does this affect me?” Changmin threw a pillow at him, hitting him square in the face. 

“Shut up, why don’t you. Continue, Younghoon.”

“Right… anyways, we were thinking of setting you and him up on a blind date.” Chanhee couldn’t help but laugh. 

“What is this, 2009? I am  _ not  _ going on a blind date.” 

“Well that sucks for you, cause we already told him when and where to meet you.” If Chanhee’s heart hadn’t dropped to the floor, he would have thrown the pillow back at Changmin. 

“You did  _ what?!” _

“Oh come on Chanhee, it’ll be fun. Plus, you haven’t come close to having a real relationship since you were like, 17. That’s just sad.”

“It’s not sad, thank you very much. I’m perfectly fine being on my own.”

“Chanhee, even Younghoon knows that’s a lie.” Chanhee looked at him for confirmation, and he nodded. “Please, Chanhee? You’ve been doing nothing but getting one night stands for our entire college career so far, so either you have massive commitment issues or you’re still hung up on a puppy crush from four years ago.” This time, Chanhee did throw the pillow at him. 

“Maybe I  _ like _ having no commitment.” 

“Chanhee, stop lying to yourself. It’s  _ one date _ . Meet me at that new cafe down the street tomorrow at four.”

“Fine, but only so you two shut up about it. Can we do something fun now?” Changmin shrugged. 

“Younghoon and I were gonna go to the arcade. Do you want to come?”

“I’d rather eat my foot than third wheel you two. Have fun, I’ll be studying.”

With that, Chanhee retreated back to his books as Changmin and Younghoon left. Eventually, he gave up studying altogether. He had made zero progress in yet another hour of rereading the same page, and his head felt foggy with sleep deprivation anyways. Changmin was right. He hadn’t had a proper relationship, even a proper date, since high school. He flopped onto his bed and tried to recall the feeling of being in love, wondering if his heart even knew how to do it anymore, or if it was damaged beyond repair. Recalling those feelings only reminded him of someone he wanted to forget, so he scrapped it and moved on to something else, something more pressing. What should he wear tomorrow? Was it even worth trying to impress this mystery guy? He had to admit, the mystery was a bit exciting. But it was equally as terrifying. For all he knew, Changmin had already shown this mystery guy pictures of Chanhee. Thankfully he had dyed his hair recently, so any pictures Changmin had of him were outdated. If he were being honest, he was a little giddy about finally going on a date again, though he would never tell Changmin or Younghoon that. He knew that eventually all the one night stands and shallow flirting  _ would  _ get lonely, so might as well beat the loneliness while he could. Who knows, maybe this mystery guy could be The One, or whatever cheesy rom-coms called it. 

Chanhee ran a comb through his bangs and dabbed some concealer and powder under his eyes. He scowled at the mirror. It didn’t seem like enough. Sifting through his sparse makeup collection, he located an old glitter eyeshadow that was probably long expired (who cares, he bought it so he was going to use it) and lightly dusted it on his lids. Followed by mascara, of course. Finishing it off with a very shiny pink lip gloss, Chanhee was finally satisfied. Changmin was usually there to tell him he looked fine without the makeup, but nothing could stop him today. Besides, his eyes and his lips were his best feature, why not highlight them? The finishing touch was a light spritz of perfume, and then Chanhee made his way to the cafe that Changmin told him to meet him at. 

The atmosphere of the place was nice, big windows and the smell of coffee beans. Not where Chanhee would have chosen, but then again his first date skills were somewhat rusty. 

“Hello?” Changmin waved a hand in front of his face to get his attention. “Earth to Chanhee?” Chanhee snapped out of his daydream and turned to face Changmin. 

“Sorry. What did you want?” 

“Why are your pants so tight?” 

“I happen to think I have very nice legs, Changmin, and I think the rest of the world deserves to know too.” Changmin rolled his eyes at that. 

“He’ll be here in about 15 minutes. Please don’t say stuff like that right away.”

“What? My magnetic personality should be enough to win his heart. If not, I’ll just hook up with him and he’ll fall for me.” Changmin’s face was in his hands. 

“Chanhee!”

“Relax, I’m kidding. Unless he wants it.” He winked at Changmin which won him a punch in the shoulder. 

“Chanhee, please just act civil for one date. It can’t be that hard to not sass everything someone says.” 

“Wow, you want me to have fun but you’re telling me not to do the two things that I find fun.”

“You mean being an asshole who sleeps around?” Chanhee couldn’t help but laugh as Changmin’s dismay. He was more stressed about this and it wasn’t even his date. 

“Changmin, you know me so well. I’ll be tolerable, I promise.” Changmin looked up at him from where he was slumped on the counter. 

“For real?” Chanhee nodded at him and extended his hand. 

“Pinky promise.” Changmin’s face lit up and he threw his arms around Chanhee.

“Thank you!” Chanhee managed to extract himself from Changmin’s embrace (he wasn’t one for hugs, especially when he was trying to look presentable). Changmin immediately started fiddling with his hair, and Chanhee tried, unsuccessfully, to swat his hands away. 

“Changmin, I look fine. Stop it!” Changmin finally finished whatever he was doing to Chanhee’s hair and smiled at him like he was a toddler going to school for the first time. 

“Okay, he should be here soon. Stay here.” Changmin patted him on the shoulder and rushed over to a booth across the cafe, flashing Chanhee a wink before putting on some sunglasses and pretending to read his novel for school. A hand on Chanhee’s shoulder distracted him from whatever profanities he was planning on yelling at Changmin. 

“Chanhee?” A soft voice from behind him asked. Chanhee put on his best showstopper smile and swivelled his chair around, only to have his heart drop all the way to Hell. He knew Changmin was watching, so he hoped his smile didn’t falter.  _ Kevin fucking Moon _ , was standing in front of him, looking nervous as all hell. Chanhee did what was civil of him, as Changmin would say, and offered Kevin a seat. Chanhee had to admit, puberty had done him well. He was a lot taller than when they had last seen each other, but then again, so was Chanhee. His hair had grown out and now looked shaggy and soft to the touch, and he had opted for contacts instead of his old chunky glasses. Yet, he still had the same shy smile that he did so many years ago. 

“I uhm, I like your hair.” Kevin gestured to Chanhee’s hair, which had recently been dyed bright purple at three in the morning. “It suits you. Everything about you looks good.” Both purposefully avoided eye contact. 

“Thanks. So you knew it was me before coming here? Why come then, here to break my heart a second time?” 

“Chanhee, I know you don’t care, but I really am sorry. You didn’t deserve what I did to you.” Chanhee scoffed. Sure, Kevin may have  _ sounded _ genuine, but Chanhee wouldn’t be fooled twice. 

“Four years too late. But thanks though, sure as hell means a lot.”

“As for why I’m here, I want to try again. We aren’t stupid teenagers anymore, so if there’s another chance for me I’d like to take it.” Chanhee finally turned to face him, trying not to let his emotions get the best of him. 

“Listen up, Kevin. I’ve been successfully avoiding you for the past four years, living my life. You can’t just come crashing back into my world and expect me to still have the same feelings I did four years ago.”  _ Lies _ . “I’ll give you this one day, but only because I promised Changmin I’d put in an effort. But after this, no. You don’t have another chance. I’m not the same Chanhee you abandoned four years ago.”  _ Lies _ . “If you expected there to be a spark, or something, you were mistaken. I’ve moved on.”  _ Lies, lies, lies.  _ How Chanhee wished that he was over Kevin. How he longed to reach over and let Kevin hold him while he cried his eyes out and give him every chance he asked for because he was  _ Kevin fucking Moon _ , and Chanhee was not over him in the slightest. But what would that gain him, another broken heart? He knew all the impulsive things he wanted to say, to  _ do _ to Kevin were due to 17 year old Chanhee’s repressed emotions, and this time 21 year old Chanhee had to step in and stop those emotions. He would indulge Kevin for one day, and never again. 

Chanhee hated to admit it, but the date wasn’t bad. In fact, if it had been anyone other than Kevin, Chanhee would have seriously considered a second date. But he couldn’t bring himself to be happy. Though it was nice to talk about his childhood with someone that had been there for it, everything was laced with an awkward tension, the two avoiding  _ that  _ time and Chanhee avoiding implying that he was at all curious about Kevin’s life. Before Chanhee left the cafe to meet up with Changmin, Kevin apologized one last time. Chanhee was beyond caring at this point, no amount of apologies could heal a broken heart. 

Chanhee met up with Changmin outside the cafe after saying goodbye to Kevin. He was exhausted. Changmin’s dumb grin wasn’t making life any easier. 

“You two know each other? I had no idea, he didn’t mention anything.”  _ If he did, I wouldn’t have come.  _

“Yeah. You could say that. We grew up together.”

“Wow. And you’re not close anymore?” Poor, innocent Changmin. 

“God no. He fucking broke my heart, Changmin. He lead me on and then rejected me.” Changmin seemed to forget what he was about to say and dropped his eyes to the sidewalk. 

“I’m sorry I tried to set you two up. I swear I wouldn’t have if I knew.” 

“Changmin, don’t feel bad. It’s not your fault. Don’t apologize. I probably would have hated him even if we didn’t have history together, he’s nothing like he was when we knew each other.” It was true, for the most part. Chanhee didn’t know if high school popularity pyramids applied to college, but if they did, Kevin would be one of the popular kids. Chanhee was pretty sure he was a frat boy too. Not Chanhee’s type at all. 

“But-”

“I said don’t! What happened between him and I is in the past, just like this afternoon. Being single isn’t even that bad. I’ll learn to live with it.” Chanhee smiled at Changmin, hoping it would cheer him up. When Changmin smiled back, a sense of triumph washed over him.

“Now come on, Changmin, the night is young and there’s a liquor store nearby.”

Changmin had long since gone home, and Chanhee was tipsy and miserable. He was face down on his computer desk, sobbing into a pillow. Very dignified. He couldn’t stop  _ remembering,  _ remembering things about him and Kevin. What it felt like to hold hands with Kevin. What it felt like to be held by Kevin. How stupid he was for giving up his second chance at the one thing he missed the most in this world. How he could miss and hate the same person so much at the same time. God, he was pathetic. Part of him considered phoning Kevin (he said he blocked his number after what happened between them but he lied), and part of him just wanted to curl up in a hole and die. However, he wasn’t  _ that  _ intoxicated and ended up just crying himself to sleep. 

Chanhee woke up feeling like shit, and was greeted by an avalanche of messages from Changmin. He checked the time before answering and saw that it was 2pm. Thankfully he didn’t have any classes or tutoring sessions that day. He didn’t really feel like answering Changmin, or talking to anyone at all for that matter, but he knew Changmin wouldn’t give up until he answered. 

**Chanhee: ** what do u want i just woke up

**Changmin: ** you slept til 2pm????

**Chanhee: ** yeah, what about it

**Chanhee: ** im an adult i do what i want

**Changmin: ** well… live your life…

**Chanhee: ** what did u need me so desperately for

**Changmin: ** oh yeah

**Changmin:** there's a party tomorrow that me and younghoon are going to do you wanna come

**Changmin: ** i thought it would get your mind off of… you know...

**Chanhee: ** changmin look who youre talking to

**Chanhee: ** ofc i wanna come 

**Chanhee: ** pick me up whenever

**Changmin: ** cool see you tomorrow 

Chanhee was feeling impulsive. He decided what better time than now to go on a shopping spree. He needed something to wear the next night anyways, and his tiny makeup collection was making him sad. He called Hyunjoon, the only one of his friends he considered fashionable, and they met outside his apartment. Hyunjoon gave him a devilish smirk and Chanhee began to regret asking for his help. 

“How can I help you, hyung?” Hyunjoon bowed as if he were Chanhee’s servant. 

“If you’re gonna be weird about this I can go on my own.” Hyunjoon looked Chanhee’s current outfit up and down. 

“If you’re gonna leave your house looking like  _ that,  _ I think you need all the help you can get.” Chanhee was suddenly self conscious. He loved his pink tracksuit, it was very comfortable. Hyunjoon linked their arms and dragged Chanhee into the elevator. 

“What are you looking for?” Chanhee sighed and leaned against the wall of the elevator. 

“I dunno. Something sexy, I guess.” Compared to Hyunjoon, Chanhee knew nothing about styling clothes. As eccentric as the kid was, Chanhee was thankful for the fashion major who was always willing to help. 

“What kind of sexy? Classy? Thotty? Subtle?”

“Hmmm… subtle. But just subtle enough to drive someone crazy. Oh, I also need some new makeup. And I was thinking of getting a new piercing or two.” Hyunjoon grinned at him and he grinned back. He wasn’t sure whether to be nervous or excited, especially when it came to the piercings. Hyunjoon was a bit of a regular at the piercing parlour, to the point where the employees all knew him by name, so asking him for piercing ideas was a gamble. 

Hyunjoon seemed to know every shop in Seoul, dragging Chanhee into stores that he didn’t even know sold clothes. Chanhee ended up with skinny jeans, a cropped t-shirt, a mesh shirt for underneath, and possibly the chunkiest boots he had ever seen. All black, as well. 

“Are you trying to make me goth like you?” It was a running joke in their friend group that Hyunjoon was goth. 

“I am  _ not _ goth!! I just like black… and big shoes… did we get you any accessories? No? Hold on, what piercings do you have now?” Hyunjoon was now examining Chanhee’s ear. As good as he was at fashion, he really was a little weird about it. “Just your lobes… do you want some new earrings too?” Chanhee dumbly nodded, not following Hyunjoon’s train of thought at all. However, 40,000 won later, Chanhee now owned a new belt, a new choker, and a bunch of new jewelry. Hyunjoon seemed oddly proud, maybe because he was spending Chanhee’s money and not his own. 

“Alright hyung, piercings or makeup next?” 

“Makeup, but as long as you take me to a drugstore and not Sephora.” Hyunjoon sighed, clearly Chanhee had defeated his plan of draining a bank account today. “Not all of us are rich, mister.” Despite his complaints, Chanhee still ended up spending another 40,000 on makeup, and another 100,000 on piercings. He was satisfied though, he kind of enjoyed the whole ‘I cried myself to sleep last night and couldn’t cut myself bangs so I did this instead’ aesthetic. 

“Hyunjoon, what piercings did I even get?”

“The big bar is your industrial, and the one underneath it is a helix.”

“Do you know the names of all the piercings?”

“Hmm… there’s probably some I don't know, but I do know a lot.”

“Do you need to know them for school?”

“Nope, I just like knowing them.” Chanhee shook his head in disbelief. Hyunjoon was truly the most unique person he’d met. 

Chanhee was finishing up his makeup when he heard a knock, presumably Changmin, at his door. 

“Come in!” He wasn’t going to sacrifice his eyeliner to answer the door. It wasn’t anything fancy, his eyeliner skills were subpar, but he had finally gotten the hang of drawing a line on his upper lid and waterline without crying. Satisfied with his look, he sat back and admired himself for a few seconds before choosing his perfume and lip tint for the night. He left his bedroom to find Changmin and Younghoon on his couch, the sound of the door causing them both to look up at him in sync. 

“Chanhee, as your best friend I’m legally obliged to ask you what on Earth you’re wearing.” Chanhee did a twirl for the two of them. 

“Hyunjoon and I went shopping yesterday. I got new piercings too. Look.” He moved closer to show off his ear to his friends. 

“Of course it was Hyunjoon. It doesn’t seem like something you’d pick out for yourself, same with those piercings.” Chanhee shrugged at them. 

“What’s wrong with trusting the fashion major? Plus, you said you wanted to get my mind off of a certain someone, and what better way to do that then to get laid.” Younghoon choked on his water. Chanhee continually forgot that they had only formally met a year ago, and he wasn’t used to Chanhee’s… mannerisms yet. 

“The makeup too, did Hyunjoon teach you that?”

“Nope.” Chanhee smacked his lips on the p sound. “Youtube did.”

“Well now that your fashion show is over, we should get going. Come on.” Changmin grabbed Younghoon and Chanhee’s hands and dragged them to Younghoon’s car. 

“What is this party for, anyways?” Changmin gave a look to Younghoon, passing the question to him. 

“Not sure,” he replied, “probably just a random party. Juyeon said I could invite whoever.”

“So what you’re telling me is it’s not inappropriate of me to get laid.” Younghoon cleared his throat uncomfortably, earning Chanhee a smack on the arm from Changmin. 

“Do whatever the hell you want, just please stop announcing it to us.” Chanhee rolled his eyes. Your best friend gets a boyfriend and suddenly can’t take a joke anymore. 

Chanhee hadn’t always been one for parties, but once he got to college that all changed. He loved the feeling of the bass reverberating throughout his body, the flashing of the lights, he could go on but he loved the party atmosphere in general. He wasn’t that extroverted, but he still liked going anyways. Plus, it was much less weird to get super drunk at a party then super drunk with your roommate in your apartment, or in his case now, alone in his apartment. When the trio arrived, Changmin made a beeline for the drinks table, dragging Chanhee and Younghoon through the crowd behind him. Chanhee knew Younghoon wasn’t the type to get blackout drunk (at least not in public, Chanhee had seen some questionable things though), but he and Changmin were, so they were right at home playing drinking games where the only objective was who could take the most shots. It was always Chanhee, Changmin was an awful lightweight. While Changmin and Younghoon disappeared into the bathroom to make out, Chanhee was sorely disappointed at the lack of people he’d kissed. Heaving himself off the kitchen floor, he wandered aimlessly around for a while, by himself. He didn’t really know any of the other attendees other than Changmin and Younghoon, his partners in crime as he had drunkenly decided to call them, so he was left to his own devices. Admittedly, being left to his own devices kinda sucked. Even under the influence, he couldn’t really strike up a conversation without Changmin around. He found his way back to the kitchen, took a few more shots of who knows what, and stumbled back to the living room, almost falling on his ass in the process. An arm (not his) gently snaked around his waist to prevent him from actually collapsing. 

“Whoa, be careful. You almost bit it hard there.” Chanhee assumed the voice belonged to the arm around his waist, and he looked behind him only to be met with Kevin’s awkward smile. He rolled his eyes so hard he almost gave himself a headache. 

“In my defense, I didn’t know it was you until you turned around. The lights make everyone’s hair funky colours.” Kevin raised his free hand in mock innocence. Chanhee guessed he was drunk too, but not as drunk as him. He was probably only tipsy, Kevin preferred smoking over drinking anyways. Chanhee hated that he remembered that about him. 

“I would’ve rather fallen flat on my face than run into you.” Chanhee tried to wiggle away from Kevin, but he was caught again when he almost fell for the second time. 

“You might actually, and I know that you sure as hell would be embarrassed by that. At least let me hold you up until you aren’t like a baby deer.” Chanhee silently complied, letting Kevin’s arm stay around his waist. He could feel Kevin’s eyes on him, and refused to acknowledge the other boy. 

“Are you wearing makeup?” Kevin asked, his tone softer now. Chanhee nodded, still refusing to make eye contact. “Well you look hot as fuck.” Chanhee broke his resolve and snapped his head around to look at Kevin, to see if he was being serious. 

“Kevin!” 

“What? I mean it!” Oh he was  _ definitely  _ a frat boy, and definitely tipsy. Kevin didn’t usually curse like that. Chanhee pinched his side, causing Kevin to let go of him. Again, he was caught before his legs gave out. “What I meant, Chanhee, is that you look really good. Sorry it came out that way.” 

“It’s fine. Just wasn’t expecting you to talk like that. You… you look good too.” The two stood in silence for what seemed like forever, until Kevin started tracing small shapes on Chanhee’s waist with his fingers. Chanhee automatically started giggling, partially because of annoyance but also because Kevin had found (remembered) his ticklish spot. Drunk Chanhee had a hard time containing his laughter, and soon there were tears in his eyes from laughing so hard. 

“I missed seeing you smile like that. I missed you, Chanhee. Not just romantically, I missed you as a friend too.” 

“Oh my god Kevin, shut up.” Chanhee turned to him, and kissed him, hard. He was pleasantly surprised when Kevin kissed him back with equally as much enthusiasm. Chanhee wasn’t sure if the pounding in his chest was the music or his heartbeat. Soon his hand was in Kevin’s and he was being dragged upstairs and into a bedroom. 

“Kevin, wh-”

“Thought that it would be better if we have some privacy.” Kevin wiggled his eyebrows invitingly at Chanhee, and Chanhee, unable to resist, kissed him again. Kevin kissed exactly like he had in high school, badly. Chanhee broke away and whined at him. 

“You’re an  _ awful _ kisser.” 

“Then why do you keep kissing me?” High school Kevin would have  _ never _ teased him like that. 

“I dunno,” Chanhee replied, his words slightly slurred, “maybe cause you’re so prettyyyy.” If Kevin was going to reply, Chanhee didn’t care. Funny how two days ago he had resolved to never entertain Kevin again, and here he was kissing Kevin hard enough to bruise. He broke away again, biting at Kevin’s bottom lip before he shifted to comfortably straddle the other boy’s lap. Kevin’s hands had migrated all over his body at this point, but they finally landed at the hem of his t-shirt. 

“What’s underneath this crop top, babe?” Chanhee smirked at him. 

“See for yourself.” He let Kevin pull off his t-shirt, not caring that it jostled his piercings. Kevin’s eyes had landed on the spot on Chanhee’s ribs, his cheeks heavily flushed. 

“You have a tattoo?” 

“And piercings.” Chanhee wasn’t about to tell him that his tattoo was of a flower that bloomed in the moonlight.  _ That  _ would be embarrassing. 

“Well, Choi Chanhee,” Kevin’s fingers lightly brushed against his tattoo, “that’s hot as fuck.” Kevin softly kissed Chanhee’s neck this time, slowly adding pressure as he continued. He slid his hands up Chanhee’s shirt, and Chanhee practically melted under his touch. It would have been the perfect moment, had the little voice in the back of his head gone  _ What on Earth are you doing, Chanhee? _ Chanhee pushed Kevin away, his breathing ragged and shaky. 

“I can’t do this.”

“Chanhee? What do you mean? Are you okay?” He could hear the hurt lacing Kevin’s voice. He could hear him trying to hide it. 

“I mean, Kevin,” tears started to roll down Chanhee’s cheeks, “I can’t do this. Not with you.” He began to shake with sobs, he was  _ crying  _ crying, and Kevin simply embraced him and let him cry into his shoulder. “Kevin, I… I have to go.” He got up, quickly finding his discarded top and throwing it on. As he reached the door, Kevin stopped him. 

“Wait, Chanhee, at least let me walk you home. You can still barely stand. I promise I won’t try anything.” Chanhee sniffled and nodded, not sure if Kevin could see him clear enough in the dim lighting. He was too overwhelmed to argue, anyways. Kevin also tossed him his sweatshirt, leaving him in nothing but a (full length) t-shirt and jeans. “You’ll get cold wearing that outside without a sweater.”

“What about you?” 

“I’ll be fine. You’re the one who gets cold easily, anyways.” Chanhee put on the sweater and it smelled strongly of Kevin’s cologne, and he was about to start crying again when Kevin lead him downstairs and out the front door. Kevin was right, the nighttime air was chilly, and Chanhee definitely would have been too cold without his sweater. They walked in silence, Kevin’s arm around Chanhee’s waist, again, to stop him from falling over. Chanhee didn’t remember telling Kevin his address, but he must have, because Kevin was following a Google maps route to find his way. Chanhee couldn’t really remember much of what happened before or after him and Kevin were making out, all he could think was  _ Kevin, Kevin, Kevin. _ He must have zoned out, because before he knew it they were outside his apartment door. 

“Where’s your key?” Kevin’s voice was soft, a gentle whisper, and it sent shivers down Chanhee’s spine. 

“Back pocket.” He mumbled. Kevin shoved his hand in Chanhee’s back pocket, and though he knew it was for the key, Chanhee couldn’t help but blush. They both stumbled into his apartment, Chanhee nearly falling over for the nth time that night. Kevin, thankfully, caught him again. 

“Are you more drunk, or tired?” Chanhee thought hard, so hard that he forgot the question. 

“I wanna sleep.” Kevin nodded at him and led him to the bedroom. He kicked off his shoes and flopped into bed, looking at Kevin expectantly. 

“Oh, Chanhee, I’m not sleeping in your bed with you.”

“But whyyyy?”

“Because you’ll literally break my neck in the morning.” Chanhee, who was beyond out of it at this point, the exhaustion that was hitting him like a wall was mixed with the effect of the alcohol, putting him in a daze, pouted at Kevin. 

“I’ll tell you what, I’ll sleep on the couch. I’ll still be here, just not in your bed. Sound good?” Kevin softly kissed Chanhee’s forehead, and Chanhee nodded at him. “Goodnight, Chanhee.”

“Goodnight.”

Light filtered through the window, piercing through Chanhee’s closed eyelids and doing absolute wonders for his migraine. He rolled out of bed, choosing to ignore the fact that he had no idea whose sweater he was wearing, and wandered into the living room. 

“Kevin?!” Chanhee’s shouting woke the other boy up. He stretched and looked around, seeming to forget that Chanhee was about to lose his mind five feet away. 

“Oh, good morning Chanhee.”

“Good morning?! Why the  _ fuck _ are you in my apartment?” Kevin made a clicking noise and smiled uncomfortably. 

“About that… you asked me to stay.” Chanhee knitted his brows and squinted at Kevin, partially in confusion and partially because of the throbbing in his head. 

“I don’t remember that.”

“I can’t imagine that you’d remember much of anything. You were so drunk I had to walk you home so you didn’t trip over yourself.” Chanhee felt his face turn bright red. 

“But why would  _ you  _ walk me home?” Kevin started to avoid Chanhee’s eyes, clearly not wanting to say what he was going to say. 

“Because we were together when you said you wanted to leave.” 

“And why was that?” 

“Because we made out, okay!” Kevin pressed his face into his hands, but Chanhee could still see how red his ears had turned. 

“You’re lying.”

“I’m not lying! Plus, you kissed me first!” Kevin slightly raised his voice, causing Chanhee’s heart to twinge. 

“Why would I do that? In case I haven’t made it clear, you’re not exactly my favourite person.” Kevin looked up at him again, but there was anger instead of guilt flashing in his eyes. 

“Yeah, you’ve made it pretty damn clear.” Kevin abruptly stood up and left, leaving Chanhee to stare mutely at the door for a good two minutes. All he wanted to do was fold in on himself, but Changmin walked through the door, effectively snapping Chanhee out of his stupor. 

“Rise and shine, Chanhee! This is the earliest you’ve been awake on a holiday all year!” Chanhee squinted at Changmin, struggling to find his words. 

“Changmin, can you please not be loud? My head hurts.” Chanhee was only partially honest. Yes, his head hurt, but he also knew he couldn’t handle Changmin’s optimism when he might’ve just broken Kevin’s heart. 

“Sorry.” Changmin lowered his voice by a surprising amount. “By the way, was that Kevin I passed in the hallway?” Momentarily taken aback, Chanhee tried not to let his surprise show. 

“Uhhh… no?” 

“Right.” Changmin didn’t seem convinced, evident in his tone and the look he was giving Chanhee. Chanhee realized he was still wearing last night’s clothes, and what he assumed was Kevin’s sweater. He couldn’t remember whose it was, but the conclusion seemed logical. His argument probably wasn’t too convincing. “Whose sweater are you wearing? I’ve never seen it before, and I can’t imagine Hyunjoon would let you buy that on his watch.”

“Oh, uhh.. I found it in that box of things my dad gave me when you and I moved in together. I was cold so I put it on.” Changmin’s knitted brows told Chanhee that he wasn’t buying it. 

“Why would your dad have a sweater that says ‘Canada’ on it?” Chanhee shrugged. 

“Who knows? By the way, when did you and Younghoon leave last night?”

“Probably around two. We were looking for you, but we couldn’t find you.”

“Ah, I left early, cause I felt sick. I was gonna look for you but considering how you and Younghoon were all over each other, I assumed you two went home to fuck.” Changmin’s face turned bright red, and Chanhee giggled. 

“Chanhee! Just because you’re disgustingly open about your sex life, doesn’t mean the rest of us are.” 

“You’re not denying it.” Chanhee knew that if both of them weren’t hungover, there would have been a pillow war.

“Speaking of that,” Chanhee knew he was in for another bout of uncomfortable questions, “did you sleep with Kevin?” Chanhee dropped the glass he was about to fill with water, shattering it. 

“Changmin, what the  _ fuck?! _ Of course I didn’t! Why would you even  _ think  _ of that?” As Chanhee scrambled to sweep up the shards of glass, Changmin defended his point. 

“Well, first I see him leaving your apartment building, you’re wearing a sweater I’ve never seen before, and you have a giant hickey on your neck.” Chanhee slapped a hand onto his neck, trying to cover what Changmin already knew was there. He could feel his cheeks giving off heat. Changmin winked at him, a smug smirk on his face. 

“Caught you. What happened to hating him?”

“Let me explain, dumbass. I did  _ not  _ sleep with him, he walked me home and stayed the night,” Changmin raised his eyebrows, “ _ on the couch. _ ”

“Okay, but that doesn’t explain the sweater or the hickey.”

“He gave it to me because I was cold. As for the hickey, I don’t remember much from last night. What I just told you is what he told me this morning.”

“Is that all you two talked about? He seemed pretty upset when I saw him.” Chanhee shrugged, sweeping up the last of the glass shards. 

“Dunno what he’s upset about. He’s always been the more emotional one between me and him.” Another lie. Chanhee was more emotional than Kevin by a longshot, but Changmin didn’t know that. 

“Really? He’s more emotional than you? I’ve seen you cry in the market when they’re out of your favourite cereal.”

“Wild, isn’t it? Did you leave Younghoon alone in your apartment?”

“Yeah, he was asleep when I left. Why?”

“Knowing him, he probably thinks you pulled a walk of shame on him.” Changmin’s eyes widened. 

“Shit, you’re right. Bye!” Changmin left faster than Kevin did, leaving the door wide open behind him. 

Chanhee hadn’t had work in weeks, and his bank account was suffering. So when he woke up to a lady asking him to tutor her eighth grade son, he jumped at the chance. Even though Chanhee didn’t particularly enjoy eighth grade boys, he desperately needed the pay so he would put up with it. He gathered his tutoring books and made himself presentable before grabbing a jacket and making his way to the address he was given. He showed up to the location, a tiny cafe halfway across the city, and set his things down at an empty table. With his last 5000 won, he decided to get a coffee to get him through the session (plus he had cut his afternoon nap short and was exhausted). The cafe was nearly empty, so Chanhee figured he could get his drink in about five minutes, leaving him another five to set up his tutoring materials before his student arrived. 

“Can I just get a medium cold brew?” 

“Any sweetener?” Chanhee recognized the barista’s voice. He mentally cursed himself for not paying enough attention earlier. 

“No, thank you.” 

“That’ll be 4900 won.” Chanhee placed his cash on the counter, muttered a quick ‘keep the change,’ and made his way to the drink counter as quickly as he could. He wanted to spend the least amount of time talking to Kevin as he could. He had successfully avoided him for a week and a half, and he wasn’t about to break that streak. 

“You could at least say hi to me,” Kevin whispered when he handed Chanhee his drink. So much for avoiding him. 

“Just because you have to be friendly for work doesn’t mean I do. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have an appointment.” Chanhee briskly walked back to his seat and organized himself before his student arrived. 

The session went as all his elementary school sessions went, awkwardly and vaguely painfully.It didn’t help that he could feel Kevin’s eyes on him ever so often. The kid was an awful listener and Chanhee almost snapped a few times, but he had an extra 50,000 won and more sessions booked. Unfortunately for him, the sessions were booked at the cafe for the rest of the week. It had started raining, and Chanhee was about to text Changmin and ask for ride when someone sat in the seat across from him. 

“Do you have a minute?” 

“Sorry, Kevin, I was just about to go. I need to study.” Chanhee started to pack his things. 

“Can’t you study here? It’s quiet.” 

“I prefer to study away from people.”

“You’re lying. Hating me doesn’t erase that we were friends for 12 years. I can still notice your habits when you lie.” Chanhee rolled his eyes and sat back down. He brought out his notebook and flipped to a random page, pretending to read it. “Nice try Chanhee, but those notes are from five months ago. Maybe don’t put dates on your pages if you’re gonna fake study from them.” Chanhee sighed. He couldn’t win. 

“Fine. What do you want?” 

“Nothing particular. My shift is over and I need to study too, so if you don’t mind I’d like to sit with you.” Chanhee looked around the cafe, which had filled up during his session. The only other options were the outdoor seating, and as much as Chanhee hated Kevin, he wasn’t going to make him sit in the rain. “I won’t talk to you, just review my notes.”

“Fine.” Kevin flipped through his notebook, and Chanhee couldn’t help but notice the pages all had doodles in the margins. He let himself smile slightly. Kevin had been drawing all over his notes since they were kids, and once he developed a style, it was one of the things that charmed Chanhee back in high school. Kevin caught him staring, and Chanhee quickly averted his eyes. Kevin reached over and gently placed his hand on top of Chanhee’s, which was resting on the table. Chanhee pulled his hand a few centimetres back, and again, Kevin placed his on top. Quickly withdrawing his hand, Chanhee looked up at Kevin with wide eyes. 

“What are you doing?” Kevin shrugged without looking away from his notes. 

“I’m putting my hand on top of yours.”

“Yeah, I can see that much. But why?”

“Cause I felt like it, and it gets cold near the windows. I know you hate it when your hands are cold.” Chanhee turned bright red and turned his attention back to his notes. He placed his hand back on the table and tried not to flinch when Kevin rested his on top. For ten minutes, Chanhee tried to focus on his studying. No matter how many times he read them, the equations jumbled together and he seemed to forget basic things. Kevin was right, it did get cold by the windows. The cold air seemed to come up through the floorboards and where the pane of glass met the window frame. Chanhee couldn’t help but shiver, catching Kevin’s attention. 

“Are you okay?” 

“Yeah, just a little cold. I’m fine.” Kevin finally looked up from his notes, which he had made actual progress on. 

“Still? I turned up the heat when it started raining  _ and _ you’re wearing a sweater. My sweater.” Chanhee looked down at himself. He didn’t even realize he put on Kevin’s sweater that morning. 

“Oh, uhm, I’ll give it back some other time. I don’t have anything on underneath.” 

“You can keep it. I have like three others.” 

“Why do you have four of the same sweater?” It was such a painfully Kevin thing to do that Chanhee couldn’t help but ask. 

“They’re all different colours and they were on sale.”  _ Painfully _ Kevin. Chanhee rested his chin in his hand and took one look at his page before giving up. He considered ripping his notebook in half out of exhaustion but the rational part of him stopped him. 

“At the party, did I really kiss you first?” Kevin seemed to not be expecting the question, as he bit his tongue in surprise. Once he had regained himself, he looked up at Chanhee, his ears red. 

“Yeah. Yeah, you did. I said something dumb and you told me to shut up and then you kissed me.” 

“So we just made out and you gave me a hickey in front of everyone? Didn’t know drunk me was that much of an exhibitionist.” Kevin’s face was slowly turning redder. 

“No, I… I took you into a bedroom. Part of me thought you were gonna try and hook up with me from the way you were kissing me.” Kevin was the brightest red Chanhee had ever seen him.  _ His fault for oversharing.  _

“Did we? Changmin thinks we did, but I can’t remember.”

“No. You started crying and then I walked you home.” If Kevin were anyone else, Chanhee would have teased him about wanting to hook up. But, for whatever reason, the thought of teasing Kevin made him feel guilty. “I saw your tattoo, though. It’s nice.” Chanhee instinctively brought his hand to his ribs, where his tattoo was. He felt oddly protective of it, maybe because he had gotten it because it reminded him of Kevin. 

“Thanks.” Chanhee’s thoughts migrated back to Kevin’s hand on top of his. He gently intertwined their fingers, surprised at how well their hands still fit together. 

The next few days went similarly: Chanhee would go to his morning classes, take an afternoon nap, go to the cafe to do his sessions, and study there afterwards. Sometimes Kevin’s shift ended later, but he always sat across the table from Chanhee and joined him in studying. They almost never interacted except for holding hands across the table, and Chanhee preferred that. If it meant they didn’t have to talk, he could live with holding hands. As long as they didn’t talk, Chanhee could pretend it wasn’t Kevin and ease the aching in his heart. 

“Hey,” Kevin whispered. Chanhee peered up at him through his lashes, not knowing why he was whispering. “Do you ever take breaks from studying?” Chanhee simply rolled his eyes and found where he had left off in his notes. He didn’t want a break this week. “Oh, come onnnn.” Kevin gently tugged at his hand, almost knocking over Chanhee’s coffee. 

“Hey! Be careful. What happened to not talking to me?” 

“Getting bored happened. You can’t possibly have to study an entire notebook’s worth of notes in two days.” 

“You don’t know my life.” It was true, Chanhee didn’t  _ need _ to study all his notes, but the refresher was nice. 

“There’s a party tonight. You can invite Changmin and Younghoon if you want.” Chanhee had forgotten that Kevin knew his friends. He couldn’t link his two worlds together, because Kevin was his childhood and Changmin was his now and it didn’t feel right that his past and present were colliding like this. But Chanhee digresses. 

“They’re busy doing some coupley shit. Something for their anniversary.” Chanhee had to break his habit of telling white lies to get out of things. He may be impure in other ways but he wanted to keep his conscious as clean as possible. Changmin and Younghoon’s anniversary was last week. 

“Then it’s just us.” Chanhee shook his head in protest. “Don’t tell me that you’re gonna spend your Friday night cooped up studying.” Chanhee sipped from his now empty cup, swirling the ice around and doing everything to avoid answering Kevin. “Well, not on my watch. You’re coming with me.” Before he knew what was happening, before he could even protest, Kevin was dragging him outside. 

“Kevin! My books!” 

“It’s fine, we’re closed anyways. The doors are locked. We’ll get them later.” Chanhee apprehensively looked at the rain clouds on the horizon. 

“If I go to this party, what do I gain?” 

“I’ll drive you home so you don’t have to walk in the rain.” Logically, Chanhee knew he shouldn’t refuse that offer. Walking in the rain would only make him sick. 

“Fine, but I’m holding you to that offer. And I better get my books back by tomorrow morning.” At least at a party he could avoid Kevin until he had to leave. He was herded into Kevin’s car, a sad little smart car that had a dent in the bumper and was a little too close for comfort inside. 

“Where is this party anyways?”

“My place. Oh, and you’re the only guest.” As much as it ticked him off, Chanhee had to admit it was a smart way to get him to agree to something.

“Not anymore. Take me home.” 

“I’m sorry for messing with you, but I actually do need you to do a favour for me.” Chanhee didn’t have the heart to argue further. 

“Fine. What is it?”

“I’ll tell you when we get there.”

Kevin slid Chanhee a rum and coke across the island of his kitchen. 

“What’s this got to do with a favour?” Chanhee sipped the drink, as confused as he was he wouldn’t turn down a good rum and coke. 

“I told you you were gonna have fun. Plus, maybe the favour is asking you to test my drink making skills.”

“So you’re a bartender now?”

“Correction, I’m a bar-ista.” Kevin laughed at his own bad joke more than Chanhee did. Chanhee used to fake laugh at them, but it wasn’t worth it now. Kevin poured himself a drink and sat across from Chanhee. 

“Careful with those jokes, I haven’t had nearly enough alcohol to prevent me from leaving.” They sat in silence, Kevin’s indie pop playlist quietly playing in the background. It almost felt like they were back in high school. 

“This feels like back then.” Chanhee didn’t realize he’d said it out loud until Kevin agreed. 

“Yeah, except back then my mom was in the other room and would’ve grounded me into the next century if she knew we were drinking.”

“Well, it was kinda shitty of us to get drunk when she thought we were studying.”

“It was fun as hell though. Do you know how red your face used to get when you drank?” Chanhee remembered it all too well, but it wasn’t because of the alcohol. 

“What did you ask me here for?” Chanhee struggled to make out Kevin’s face in the lowlighting. 

“Take off your shirt.” Chanhee choked on his drink, the liquid dripping down his chin. Between coughs, he managed to choke out a strained ‘excuse me?’ as Kevin tossed a towel at him. 

“I meant it. I want to see your tattoo again.”

“Well you’ll need to give me a few more of these-” Chanhee jiggled his nearly empty tumbler, the ice clinking against the sides, “-to get me to do that.” Kevin smirked at him and went back to the fridge, pulling out his bottle of rum. 

“On it.”

A few drinks later, Chanhee was sitting, shirtless, on Kevin’s bed while Kevin sketched his tattoo. Not what he had expected to happen when Kevin said he wanted to see his tattoo, but Kevin was so insistent upon drawing it that Chanhee quickly gave up arguing. The only difficult part was staying still for long enough, he had no idea how Kevin could keep a steady hand when he had drank just as much as Chanhee. 

“Are you almost done?” Chanhee was starting to get bored. Kevin had promised him fun, not knee pain from sitting in the same position for too long. 

“Almost. Stay still, will you?”

“Why do you even want a sketch of my tattoo?”

“Cause I like it.” Chanhee rolled his eyes. He already knew that. 

“But why a  _ sketch?  _ Why not just take a picture?”

“Because a picture doesn’t warrant you spending an hour with me without your shirt on.”

“Kevin!” Chanhee felt his cheeks warm up, and thankfully Kevin was too focused on his drawing to notice. 

“Plus, a picture doesn’t get the details right.”

“You better entertain the fuck out of me after this. I was promised fun.”

“Stop whining. What does it mean? Your tattoo. You never told me.” 

“It doesn’t have a meaning. I just liked the design.” So much for breaking the white lies habit. 

“What kind of flower is it?”

“An evening primrose. It- never mind. I liked the colours of it.”  _ It only blooms in the moonlight _ . Kevin snapped his notebook closed, scaring Chanhee. “Are you finished?” It was hard to hide the relief in his voice, his knees  _ really _ hurt. 

“You used to love when I drew you. But yeah, I’m done.”

“That was before my knees hurt if I stayed still for too long.” As if on cue, a stab of pain shot up his leg. He stood up, stretching his legs. “Now what?”

“About that…” Kevin avoided his eyes, “I didn’t expect you to stay this long so I didn’t really have a plan.” 

“You’re lame. Safe assumption, but still lame.” Chanhee wandered into the kitchen, retrieving the half empty bottle of rum and taking a swig before returning to Kevin’s bedroom. 

“How’s that taste?” Chanhee took another sip and made a face. 

“Awful. But you said this is a party, and it’s not a party until I’m absolutely shitfaced.”

“At least share. Now that you’ve ruined the bottle we have to finish it.” Chanhee flopped onto the bed beside Kevin, careful not to spill everywhere. 

“Oh, fuck you. I think anyone should be grateful to drink my backwash.”

“Disgusting.”

“You literally just drank some.” Kevin turned to face him. 

“You having fun now?”

“Hmmm…” Chanhee leaned over and softly kissed Kevin. “Now I am.” Another kiss, followed by a wink. 

“Didn’t know you were that drunk yet, babe.” 

“I’m not, but I need something to cut this rum. It really does taste like shit. You taste much better.” They ended up finishing the bottle between kisses, and Chanhee had ended up straddling Kevin’s lap, again. 

“Last time we were like this, you started crying. I’d rather you not do that again.” 

“I’ll cry then, just to piss you off.” Chanhee bit his lip to hide his grin. Something about getting drunk and kissing Kevin while half naked was getting him giddy. He felt like he was in his element again. He cupped Kevin’s face and pressed a gentle kiss against his mouth, scared to kiss him too hard and ruin the moment. Kevin’s hands on his waist sent electricity through his body, even though his touch was hesitant and gentle. It felt like home to Chanhee, and he ignored any little voices in his head telling him that it shouldn’t. 

“Kevin,” Kevin locked eyes with him, his eyes wide and innocent, “you said that last time we kissed like this, you thought we were gonna fuck. Did you want to?” Kevin gave Chanhee a small nod, embarrassment written all over has face. “Do you want to now?” Kevin nodded again, and Chanhee kissed him, harder this time. “Let’s do it.”

Chanhee blinked open his eyes, unsure of where he was before memories of the previous night came crashing in. Normally he would just catch the bus or walk home, but his books were still in the cafe and he really needed them. He gently removed Kevin’s arm from around his shoulders, put his discarded clothes on, and fumbled with the coffee maker until it produced two mugs of coffee. Despite the noise he made in the kitchen, Kevin was still fast asleep when he returned. He tried shaking him awake, lightly smacking him, calling his name, hitting him with pillows, but to no avail. Finally, he leaned down until their faces were mere centimetres apart and he could feel Kevin’s breath on his cheek. 

“Kevin Moon, if you don’t wake up right now I’m going to douse you in hot coffee.” Somehow, that did the trick, and Kevin’s eyes fluttered open, followed by a massive blush when he realized how close Chanhee was to him. 

“Alright, I’m awake. Can you move so I can get dressed please?” Chanhee obliged, returning to the kitchen to sip at his coffee and wait for Kevin. After about 10 minutes, Kevin appeared, wearing possibly the brightest shirt Chanhee had ever seen. 

“You look like a yellow traffic cone.”

“And you look exhausted. Are you sure you don’t want anything else to wear?” Chanhee had long embraced the wearing what he wore yesterday part of one night stands, it didn’t bother him anymore unless Changmin bugged him about it. 

“I’ll be fine. I’ll change when I get home. You’ve got awful taste in clothes anyways.”

“Well good morning to you too, sunshine.” Kevin took the mug of coffee Chanhee had left for him on the counter and studied it. “Did you put anything in it?”

“No. I don’t know what you like in your coffee.” An awkward silence fell over the two and continued until they were in the car from the cafe to Chanhee’s apartment.

“Kevin,” They were at a stoplight, and Chanhee saw it as his opportunity to ask something that had been on his mind, “do you regret sleeping with me?” After what seemed like too long without an answer, Chanhee looked up at Kevin. “Are you gonna answer?” Chanhee barely finished asking when Kevin spoke, close to cutting him off. 

“No. I don’t. Do you?” Chanhee looked back out the passenger window and thought about it. 

“I don’t know.”  _ Yet,  _ is what he wanted to say. But that would imply that he would keep thinking about it, and he didn’t want Kevin to know that. The rest of the journey home continued in the same awkward silence as before, neither knowing what to say to the other. Chanhee let Kevin walk him to his apartment from the car, again in silence. So many things that Chanhee wanted to say, swallowed up by a silence that was crushing him. 

“Well,” they had arrived at the door to Chanhee’s apartment, “see you around, I guess.”

“Yeah, I guess. Thanks for taking me home.” 

“No problem.” Kevin smiled an awkward, forced smile. Chanhee returned the gesture. Kevin pressed a quick kiss on Chanhee’s cheek before he mumbled a quick ‘goodbye’ and disappeared down the hall, Chanhee staring after him for what felt like forever but was really only about a minute or so. He shook his head, snapping himself out of it before retreating into his apartment. This was bad, and Chanhee didn’t want to ask Changmin for help but it had reached a point where he had to. 

**Chanhee: ** you free?

**Changmin: ** no im 10,000 won

**Chanhee: ** haha very funny

**Changmin: ** im not busy rn, whats up?

**Chanhee: ** need some advice on something

**Chanhee: ** can you come over please

**Changmin: ** wow, you said please

**Changmin: ** on my way

**Chanhee: ** without younghoon

**Changmin: ** fine

15 minutes later, a knock echoed through the apartment. Chanhee forgot to change before Changmin arrived, and was met with a round of teasing. 

“Same clothes as yesterday? Someone’s back on his game.” Chanhee sighed, disappointed in himself. 

“Severely off my game, actually.” 

“Why? You said yourself, getting laid was the best way to get your mind off of, well you know.”

“That’s the thing, Changmin. I slept with Kevin.” In all the years they had known each other, this was the first time Chanhee had seen Changmin’s jaw physically drop. It was also the first time Chanhee had rendered him speechless. “I know it’s not life or death, but it kinda feels that way.”

“But… I thought you hated him?” Chanhee dryly laughed, forcing down the tears welling in his eyes. 

“It’s complicated. Like, not to brush off a proper explanation or anything, but I myself don’t even know what’s going on.” Changmin hugged Chanhee and rubbed small circles on his back. As much as he intended it to be comforting, it only made Chanhee feel worse, because Kevin used to do that to him when he was upset. 

“Chanhee, maybe… maybe you’re not over him?” He ripped himself out of Changmin’s embrace, not caring if he offended him. 

“Of course I’m not!” Chanhee dug his nails into his hands to prevent himself from hitting something. “How could I ever be? I never got a chance to get over anything because we never  _ had  _ anything, at least not that anyone knew about. And it hurts, Changmin, it hurts so  _ fucking bad  _ that it’s happening all over again. I told myself I’d never let myself get used like that again and yet here I am, letting it happen.” Tears rolled down Chanhee’s face and he couldn’t figure out if he was more angry or sad, he just wished he could stop feeling so awfully  _ shitty _ . 

“Hey, Chanhee, calm down. Are you sure?” Chanhee really broke this time. It felt like he was crumbling. His knees gave out, and he just sat on the floor, sobbing. He felt bad for making Changmin deal with him. 

“Why would he  _ ever _ consider me? If I wasn’t enough in high school, why would I be enough now?” Changmin crouched down and cupped Chanhee’s face in his hands, rather aggressively. 

“Chanhee, you need to stop being so scared. You’ll never know if you don’t try.” Chanhee sniffled at him. 

“You’re hurting my face.”

“Oh! Uh-” Changmin released Chanhee’s face and wiped his hands on his pants, presumably wiping off Chanhee’s tears. “Sorry.”

“Is it even worth trying though? Like, what if he breaks my heart again?” Chanhee was finished crying, but the apathy remained. 

“Chanhee, I don’t think he will. He clearly feels bad about the first time, so why would he again?”

“Cause I’m me. And cause I’m easy to mess with.”

“Well, you can have fun moping until you grow a pair and talk to him like a normal person for once. Stop giving up on things that haven’t even begun.” With that, Changmin left Chanhee sitting on his living room floor, trying not to cry again. He considered calling and cancelling his tutoring appointment, but Kevin would notice and probably think he was a coward, and Choi Chanhee was  _ not _ a coward. He peeled himself off the floor, changed clothes, and washed his face and prayed that the swelling would go down during his walk. In case it didn’t, he shoved a mask into his bag. If he was gonna face his feelings, he would face them head on. 

Kevin didn’t show up at work for days. Not that Chanhee was keeping tabs, he  _ wasn’t,  _ he just happened to notice when the barista changed over from Kevin to a perky high schooler who seemed way too excited to work at a coffee shop. The first day he didn’t show up, Chanhee waited for him for hours after his session was over. He stayed so late that the high school barista had to ask him to leave. The cafe didn’t feel the same without Kevin there, and without the hearts that he sometimes drew on Chanhee’s receipt. Even though it was for work originally, the 40 minute walk to the 90 minute sessions felt like a chore. On the fifth day of this cycle, after Chanhee’s session had ended, Kevin burst into the cafe in a flurry. Quite literally a flurry, the winds were crazy that day and he brought in a cloud of dust behind him. He stormed over to where Chanhee sat, and Chanhee, dazed by the whole thing, didn’t feel like it was real, especially when Kevin slammed his hands on the table, clearly out of breath. 

“Kevin, uh, hi? Can you please sit down? You’re scaring me.” Kevin looked from the empty spot beside Chanhee to the empty spot across from Chanhee. Chanhee personally didn’t care where he sat, as long as he stopped making a scene. He chose the one across from Chanhee, still not making eye contact. 

“Sorry I… I’m out of breath…” Chanhee didn’t respond, giving him a moment to come to his senses. All he could hear was Kevin’s heavy breathing. He tried searching Kevin’s face for a hint as to what he was thinking, but he couldn’t do it without eye contact. Instead, his gaze fell on the bandage on Kevin’s bicep. 

“New tattoo? What’s it of?” Kevin nodded, still slightly breathless. 

“I’ll show you later.” Kevin reached across the table and took Chanhee’s hands in his own. Kevin had clammy hands, it was kind of gross to be holding hands right now, in Chanhee’s opinion. Chanhee hadn’t noticed how rough Kevin’s hands were before, but if he still played instruments, it made sense. 

“Kevin, wh-”

“Chanhee, I love you. I didn’t know when a good time to say it would be, or if there would  _ ever _ be a good time, so I’m saying it now. I love you.” Chanhee was near speechless. He was  _ not  _ doing this today, especially not in public. 

“Kevin, I- I need to go.” Chanhee started to pack his things, but Kevin’s grip on his wrist stopped him. 

“Chanhee, please.” Chanhee bit back tears and stared Kevin down. 

“I can’t do this. I’m leaving.” He wrenched his arm out of Kevin’s hold, and left the cafe faster than he had ever left a building. If Kevin had anything else to say to him, he wasn’t going to hear him out. He couldn’t, it hurt too much. 

Chanhee was now officially a shut-in. He cancelled all his tutoring sessions for the next seven days, lying through his teeth about a family thing he had to deal with and would be out of town for a week. Fuck the clean conscious thing, nothing really mattered to him anyways. He couldn’t even be bothered to care if the kid found a new tutor, he probably wasn’t much help anyways. All he did was go to his classes, retain next to no information, and sleep. He was hopelessly exhausted, to the point where eating and showering felt like the most difficult things on earth. When he wasn’t sleeping, he was watching shitty movies, and when he wasn’t watching shitty movies, he was crying. Sometimes because of the movies, sometimes because he felt bad for ignoring all of Changmin's texts, calls, and visits, but most times because of Kevin. He couldn’t stop thinking about how much he had blown it. He could’ve told Kevin that they shouldn’t do this now, not in public and when they had time to think, but no. He had to be dramatic and cause a scene and storm out like he was in some kind of drama.  _ Stupid, stupid, stupid _ . He considered writing ‘stupid’ across his forehead in permanent marker, so it would drive the nail deep into the coffin every time he looked in the mirror. On the seventh day of his newfound hermit lifestyle, a knock on the door interrupted his post-movie crying session. Changmin had long since given up trying to get Chanhee to come out or let anyone in, so maybe the building staff were finally tired of his mail stacking up. 

“What do you want?” He mentally cursed himself for being rude, but he also didn’t care. He no longer had the energy to care. 

“Oh, so you can talk? Big accomplishment!” Speak of the devil, it was Changmin. 

“Leave me alone!” 

“I’ll leave you alone forever if you open this door! If not, I’ll stand out here and scream until someone files a noise complaint!” Chanhee didn’t doubt that he would, considering he had done it before. 

“I don’t care!” The door made a dreaded clicking noise.  _ Shit, his key _ . Chanhee never asked Changmin to return his key when he moved out, and in hindsight, he regretted letting him keep it. Changmin barged in, he was so angry he could have kicked the door in if he tried hard enough. He also had a fistful of mail,  _ Chanhee’s  _ mail, which he threw at Chanhee’s chest. 

“At least take in your  _ fucking mail _ , Chanhee. You’re pathetic.”

“First of all, ow, second of all, I don’t care if I’m pathetic.”

“Chanhee, this isn’t  _ you _ . It’s sad. Your friends miss you.”

“Then stay missing me. There’s nothing for me to do that doesn’t hurt.”

“You motherfucker, maybe if you stopped pitying yourself for a problem that can be  _ fixed,  _ you wouldn’t be a pathetic mess. You’re coming with me, whether you like it or not.” Chanhee rolled over and pulled his blanket over his head, so he didn’t have to look at Changmin anymore. 

“I don’t wanna.”

“Well too fucking bad.” Changmin pulled Chanhee out from underneath the blanket with a strength Chanhee didn’t know he had. 

“Careful! You’re gonna break my arm!” 

“I’ll break more than just your arm if you don't get off your ass, change clothes, and come with me.” Chanhee crossed his arms in protest. 

“It’s either me in my pyjamas or I’m not coming at all.” Changmin sighed and rolled his eyes, hoisting Chanhee off the floor like a child. Chanhee guessed that meant the pyjamas were fine, especially when Changmin dragged him outside and practically stuffed him into his car. 

“Where are you taking me?” 

“My place.” Chanhee couldn’t protest the destination, he hadn’t seen Changmin and Younghoon’s apartment yet. He could, however, protest the means. 

“Are you gonna at least apologise for nearly ripping my arm out of my socket?”

“No. You deserved it. Put on your seatbelt.” Chanhee didn’t even realize his seatbelt wasn’t on. As much as he wanted to argue with Changmin, he did kind of deserve it. He had been pretty insufferable the past week, it was a miracle Changmin still wanted anything to do with him. They pulled up to Changmin’s building, which was closer to the campus than Chanhee’s. Changmin extracted him from the car just as violently as he had shoved him in. He was also dragged to the actual apartment like a ragdoll. 

“Can you stop dragging me? I have legs.”

“Who says you won’t use them to run away? You don’t exactly have all my trust right now.” Again, Chanhee couldn’t argue. When they arrived, Chanhee barely had time to wave to Younghoon, for Changmin had dragged him straight through the apartment to a closed door. 

“If you go inside, I promise you with all my heart that you’ll feel better. I swear on my life.” Chanhee narrowed his eyes. 

“Swear on Younghoon’s life.” 

“Don’t rope me into this!” Younghoon called from the living room.  _ He must have supersonic hearing _ , Chanhee thought. 

“I swear on Younghoon’s life.” Changmin opened the door and shoved Chanhee inside before he even had time to agree, locking it behind him. Changmin composed himself and walked back to the living room, ignoring Chanhee pounding on the door behind him. Exhausted, he flopped down on the couch beside Younghoon. 

“Thanks for getting Kevin to come. I don’t think I would’ve been able to get them both.” Younghoon leaned down and kissed his forehead. 

“No problem. Are you sure they’ll be okay in there? They won’t kill each other?” 

“No, if anything Chanhee’s gonna try to kill me.”

“How are you so sure they’ll work it out?”

“Did you forget already? I went to the same high school as them, Kevin knows but Chanhee doesn’t. I wasn’t friends with either of them, but they were both fairly popular, though Chanhee will never admit it. Whatever they had going on, they weren’t nearly as subtle about it as they thought.  _ Especially _ when they broke up. But, everyone could tell that they really cared for each other. They’ll be fine.”

“They better be. That’s our only spare room, if they ruin it I won’t forgive them.”

After testing the door multiple times, and hitting it with both his fists and feet, Chanhee came to the awful conclusion that it was locked. He turned to Kevin, who was sitting on the bed.

“You look like shit, Kev.” He bit his tongue for letting the nickname slip out so easily. 

“Thanks. You do too.” Kevin sighed and flopped backwards, his feet dangling over the edge of the mattress. “So now what?”

“I guess they want us to talk, or something.” Chanhee sat beside him. 

“How’d Changmin get you to come? Younghoon threatened to smash my instruments.” 

“He burst into my apartment, threw my own mail at me, almost ripped my arm out of its socket, and threatened to break the rest of my bones if I didn’t come.” 

“Your bones and my instruments, our prized possessions.” Kevin started giggling and Chanhee joined in, until they were both breathless from laughing so hard. Chanhee hadn’t told him yet, but he noticed what Kevin’s tattoo was when Changmin locked them in. A flower that matched his own. 

“Kevin, your arm…”

“What? Oh!” Kevin looked from Chanhee to his arm and back at Chanhee again, his ears growing red. “That’s why I wanted to draw yours. It reminds me of you. Are you mad?”

“God, no, Kevin. It looks good. But…”

“But?”

“I got mine because it reminded me of you.” 

“How does a flower remind you of me?”

“A flower that blooms in the moonlight, Kevin Moon.”

“When did you get that?” Chanhee thought hard, straining to remember when.

“A year ago maybe? Not sure.” A comfortable silence fell over the two, and Chanhee laid on the bed beside Kevin. Kevin’s hand found its way to the back of his head, and he gently played with Chanhee’s purple locks. The only sound was their feet swinging back and forth. 

“Kevin?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you regret any of it? You know, us?”

“No. I only regret how it ended.”

“Why don’t you?”

“Because I love you.” Chanhee sucked in a sharp breath and pressed his lips together. It was now or never. 

“I love you too.” He smiled ad Kevin, and was met with Kevin’s boxy grin that he fell for so many years ago. 

“So now what? Are we a couple?”

“Do you wanna be?”

“Yeah.”

“Well then, Kev, we are. And couples kiss, so kiss me.” Kevin pressed a gentle kiss on Chanhee’s lips. “Lame. Kiss me again.” So, Kevin did. As many times as Chanhee wanted him to. 

**Author's Note:**

> this is the longest fic ive ever written in one document... please be nice
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/yeosites)
> 
> edit: thank you for 100 hits so fast!


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